Small Talk

High school can often be described as an awkward confinement – a prime breeding ground for mortification with nowhere to run. I felt like its prized guinea pig. I had my friends and my classic literature, but what I didn’t have was the courage to talk to people I didn’t know, especially the popular kids who carried themselves easily – who seemed to avoid high school mortification. The lucky ones. They didn’t seem to struggle with small talk like I did.

I have a memory that explains my struggle quite well. A rather mortifying one. As I returned from a bathroom trip and walked down the the hallway, I saw Sam Moore. I knew him ever since I moved to Mapleton years before and heard about his many flirtations and experienced his evening bagpipe playing in his backyard. Was he intimidating? No. Did I know his name? Of course I did. What was the problem? You tell me.

As Sam and I came closer in the hallway, he waved. “Hey Savannah!”

If I was a normal human I would have replied, “Hi Sam! How you doing?” I don’t think being normal was part of the whole high-school-mortification program. Instead, I said:

“Hi Savannah!”

An endless pause. Then Sam erupted in laughter. “Did you just call me by your name?”

Yes. Yes, I did. With nowhere to run and my face as red as my hair, I laughed with him and hurried away, feeling the physical pain of shame and embarrassment every time I recalled my idiocy.

See what I mean? Small talk was not a skill I claimed. So when Jennifer Latson’s article “The Secret to Small Talk” popped up on a google search (don’t blame me for searching), I jumped on it. I had to know that simple secret.

Here’s what I learned. The secret to small talk is not sticking to a formula, such as starting with a compliment, asking how a person is doing, then choosing an appealing and common topic to start a conversation. It’s being earnest and genuine in putting yourself out there and connecting with others. It is, in fact, being awkward and accepting flaws in interaction for the sake of that connection. Jennifer Latson expresses this through telling a story of a boy who has William’s syndrome, which makes him very friendly and outgoing. In his conversations, he makes mistakes such as calling someone by the wrong name and asking about unique qualities and flaws such as acne or a deep voice. Latson shows that in each of these encounters, the boy is readily forgiven because of his genuine earnestness to connect with people and friendliness. This is the secret: for excellent small talk, one must have a genuine desire to connect with someone and accept that mistakes will be made.

In applying this secret to my life, the awkward high school situation above has greater hope. Instead of dwelling on the mortification in calling Sam my own name and walking away blushing red, staying and connecting with Sam could have been a better remedy.

After reading Jennifer Latson’s article, I am relieved to learn there are others who struggle with small talk like I do. I also have an increased aspiration to get at the heart of small talk – connection. Knowing this secret doesn’t mean talking is any easier, but I have hope for better times ahead, accepting all the awkwardness and mortification that may come.

Perfectionism is the Villain

On the second day of creative writing class, sitting in a small, dim classroom on the outskirts of BYU, we were asked to give our name and reason for taking the class.

I gave my answer: “My name is Savannah and I’m taking this class because I have a complicated relationship with fiction writing.”

My professor laughed. “So you’re taking this class as a punishment for yourself.”

That is correct.

I love writing. But I also hate it. I believe if you ask any writer, they will say something similar. In a conversation with a creative writing graduate student a week ago, she highlighted the true binary in writing: it is work and it is play. But mostly work.

As a result of my creative writing class and involvement with BYU’s literary magazine Inscape, I’m forced to confront how I feel about writing. Do I really like it? Do I have potential to grow? Do I have the patience to grow? My saving grace in answering these questions was found in a book (as answers often are).

Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. Perfectionism is the true villain.

In her (entire!) chapter about the evils of perfectionism, Anne Lamott makes a very striking point. “Perfectionism will ruin your writing, blocking inventiveness and playfulness and life force.” The matter of whether we want to write or not is irrelevant if we let perfectionism win.

The fact that I am a perfectionist in writing was made strikingly clear to me. After every paragraph, I rewrite like crazy, sometimes spending a half hour on a paragraph I’m going to delete later. Where is the logic in that? Maybe the reason for my complicated relationship with fiction writing is my perfectionism. It halts my exploration, expression, and growth as a writer.

So DOWN with perfectionism! The growth of myself as a fiction writer is much more important.

3 Things that Haunt

Happy almost Halloween. In honor of my least favorite holiday, here is a list of things that haunt, courtesy of my life.

A Reflection of Past Life
Harriet*, once healthy, now shuffles around a memory care dining room, scooping bread crumbs from glass tables into her long, wrinkled hand. In seconds, she forgets the crumbs in her hands and lets them drop to the floor. This is a reflection of her past life – a life she will no longer remember, when she cleaned her own kitchen, surrounded by family. She continues to shuffle, scoop, and mutter to herself, haunting the dining room.

Ugly German
Carter*, a young man in a college German class, sits far away from the others. His method of interacting is not like the others – in English or German – and for that, receives snickers and satirical questions. He never gives up trying to be liked, but the others never give up their play. The man is haunted by people no better than he, for his ugly, evil-sounding German.

Blindness in October
Julie*, who’s had far too many troubles in her long life, is now mostly blind from failed surgeries. Her eyes never look at the same spot, and she keeps the house closed and black. The possibility of permanence haunts her as she looks past me, holding on to the wall for a foundation in her dark world.

*names have been changed

M-I-A

I want to apologize for being missing in action so much the past couple months! Life hit a big turn from my summer chilling to the start of my sophomore year at Brigham Young University and working in the BYU English Department. However, these are no excuses because writers write no matter what is going on in their lives – it is simply how we live. 

That being said, my writing may have dulled the past couple months, but my brain has not. I’ve been thinking a lot about the direction of this blog. I threw a few ideas around with my husband – about a book blog, a photography blog, a writing blog, and even a flower blog. But I couldn’t pick just one. I don’t think I’m ready to confine my writing into one subject. And so, my blog will stay Savannah’s Secretaire for now.

Writing is like that, I think. We have different moods and styles as our lives take different turns. Being a writer means staying flexible, and that’s not always easy when you are in college, have kids, or working overtime. However, if writing is important to you, you make time for it. That’s just the way life works. It’s important to have flexibility in changing your writing style, making time for it, and sometimes, you just have to force yourself to like it.

I’m trying to come back, folks. One blog post at a time, and open to suggestions.

5 Tips to Ace an Interview

Photo Courtesy of Hudson New Zealand

Interviews can be pretty intimidating, especially when the future of your eternal happiness is balanced on the outcome. I recently had an interview for a new job at Brigham Young University, and had my dad give me some tips and pointers. I am so grateful he did! I walked out of that interview feeling calm and confident, and even got the job. Here are some tips and pointers for how to feel great about your interview!

1. Take Your Time.
If the interviewer asks you a question that might need a little more consideration and thought, it’s okay to take a few seconds to think about it. However, it may not be the best idea to insert an “um” where the silence would be. Take your time in thinking of your answer, and don’t be afraid of the silence. Talk slowly and clearly. This can show your interviewer that you think ahead and feel that their question is important.

2. Think of Possible Questions Beforehand.
At my dad’s encouragement, I looked up possible interview questions before heading into the interview. I typed out quick answers, so I would always be prepared. To my astonishment, there wasn’t one question in the interview I hadn’t already studied. I was able to answer calmly and confidently because I already knew the answers. Preparation pays off!

3. Try Not to Fidget.
In high school, I did an internship at The Abbington, an assisted living. For the internship, we had to do a practice interview with our supervisor and earn points based on our performance. I wrote practiced questions, wore a skirt to the interview, and was perfectly on time, all in the hope of getting a perfect score. However, when I got the results back, I was surprised to see points docked for fidgeting. “Played with her hands too much,” was written under the comments section. I realized that fidgeting can be distracting and may show nervousness and unease. To battle fidgeting, trying placing your palms on your lap facedown, or entwining them together loosely. Take deep breaths and try to relax your muscles.

4. Dress Nicely, Act Nicely.
This is an obvious one. I once heard that it is smart to dress “one standard above” the job you are interviewing for, or at most, formal business attire. It is important to present yourself well to make a great first impression. It is also important to act nicely. Arrive ten minutes before your interview, act like it is a privilege (not a right) to be there, smile, and look at all members of the interviewing board.

5. Sell Yourself.
Take every opportunity to sell yourself. I like to tie each question back to an unchanging quality about myself so that the interviewer can see how I would be right for the job. For example, in my interview they asked me what my ideal boss would be like. I focused on a boss that helps me be independent and figure things out on my own to increase my learning, because I am independent and love to problem solve. Turn every question into an opportunity to sell yourself. This can help with your confidence in the interview and shows the interviewer how you can be the perfect person for the job in any situation.

Now go ace that interview!

Instagram Favorites

Courtesy of  Work Shop

I admit it. I am addicted to Instagram. I love the classy photos, the inspirational captions, the clever products, and learning about people’s lives. I’ve already mentioned some of my favorite accounts in earlier posts, but here is a comprehensive list if you feel like your feed could be freshened up a bit. Enjoy!

For Fitness: @activelyrees
I love Nikki Rees. While she doesn’t post specific workouts or meal plans, she provides daily inspiration about working out and eating healthy every day. She appreciates fitness and health without being obsessive over it. Her bio line reads, “FITNESS, CAKE and everything in between.” I recommend giving her a follow if you want to be inspired every day and become attached to her lifestyle and cute two-year-old daughter Maddie. She also has a blog, which you can find here.

For Photography: @piperalkonis
I first met Piper my freshman year of college. She was one of my best friend’s roommates. She was always taking pictures. Piper’s photos are centered around her everyday life, and somehow she manages to make them raw, unique, and breathtaking every day. I could look through her photos for hours. Give her a follow if you want to add some eye-catching, fantastic photos to your feed.

For (Baby) Clothes: @bowsforbrainsshop
There are a lot of baby bows businesses out there. This one, however, catches my eye. 20% of every purchase is donated to cancer research, there is free shipping and sales constantly, and the bows are absolutely gorgeous! I can’t wait to have a baby girl just to try out these bows. Follow this page if you want to see some munchy babies and beautiful bows! You can find the story of donating money to cancer research here.

For Inspiring Stories: @humansofny
If you haven’t given them a follow yet, you totally should! This account is run by a photographer who lives in New York and travels to different parts of the world. For his posts, he takes simple photos of people and shares a quote from them about their life. I’ve been following them for a couple years now, and it has opened my eyes to so many different situations and cultures in not just New York, but in the world!

For Food: @abountifulkitchen
Si Foster creates tons of beautiful and yummy recipes and shares them with wannabe chefs and bakers! She has made many copycat recipes such as Swig Sugar Cookies and Levain Bakery Chocolate Chip Cookies, and comes up with her own recipes ranging from Basil Couscous Salad to Peanut Butter Banana Power Muffins to Cream Cheese Chicken Casserole. I recommend the Levain Bakery Dark Chocolate PB Chip Cookies. Sooo good. Follow her if you want some meal and dessert ideas and recipes!

For Flowers: @workshop.pdx
I. Love. Their. Flowers. Work Shop makes amazing arrangements for any occasion and takes the classiest pictures of their flowers. They have workshops all the time, which makes me want to move to Portland rather desperately. Give them a follow if you want to (literally) freshen up your feed with some beautiful flowers and plants.

Details of a Wedding

Courtesy of Jenisse Photography

Recently, I was thinking about my wedding day, and a lot of details came to mind. I loved remembering those little details, and realized I might not always remember them. I can’t afford to forget! Sometimes the finest details make a day intimate and special. Here are some of the finest details from my wedding day.

Problems with the Veil. After our small ceremony, I gave hugs to all the family and friends present. After each hug, my veil would slide down the back of my head. I had to fix it over and over. Eventually, I just ripped it off and put it on the chair behind me, now veil free.

12 Inches of Snow. The night before my wedding, I slept at my parent’s house, just across the street from where my soon-to-be-husband Nathan was sleeping at his parent’s house. I remember being woken up by the clattering of makeup in the bathroom and my mom commenting about snow. I looked out the window – it had snowed twelve inches in one night. My dad and brothers were out shoveling, and I could see Nathan and his dad shoveling their driveway. Not everyone gets to see their soon-to-be-husband shoveling snow in the early hours of their wedding day.

My Best Friend’s Spit. During wedding pictures after the ceremony, I paused for a moment to talk with a group of my best friends. We paused for a group shot where they all pretended to kiss me, and I felt a glob of spit hit my cheek. One of my best friends had accidentally spit on me when pretending to kiss me! We all burst into laughter as I wiped it off.

White Fleece Leggings. Because it was a very cold January day, I wore white fleece leggings under my dress when we took pictures outside. I would say they worked pretty well! I never got uncomfortable, and they were so soft and flexible!

Moments with Mom. I loved the quiet moments with my mom as she helped me into and out of my wedding dress several times for the ceremony and reception. It was special to be with her and to share the special day. She did most of the wedding planning, and worked so hard behind the scenes to make everything perfect. I cherish those little, quiet moments with her.

Breathtaking Pink Garden Roses. These beauties were everywhere – in my bouquet, in Nathan’s buotineer, and on the white ruched cake and the centerpieces for the tables. It was a perfect, fresh, and romantic flower for winter.

Exit as Man and Wife. After our ceremony in the Mt.Timpanogos Temple, our family and friends waited outside the golden doors for our exit. With my heavy bouquet in one hand and Nathan’s in the other, we threw open the doors and stepped out into the crisp, snowy air. We were officially man and wife!

I would love to hear about details you remember from your wedding! Leave a comment below.

P.S. For more pictures of our special day, click here!