My Biggest Mistake

As I look back on my life, I’ve made some pretty good choices. I worked hard in school, was involved in cross country and other after-school activities, made close friends, went on fun family vacations, got accepted into my dream school, and married a wonderful and handsome guy. I’ve lived and learned, and I’ve been blessed. However, there is one dark cloud in my past, one that I count as my biggest mistake.

My biggest mistake is my failure at a positive relationship with my brother.

It wasn’t always bad – we were best friends when we were growing up. When he would get into trouble, I would cry to my parents and beg them to have mercy on him. We shared an apple under a blanket when our parents told us we couldn’t eat anything else but our dinner. We played knight and mother-to-the-knight in our little backyard, and went on bike rides together. It was bliss.

Something changed. Me.

I think I transformed into a witch. As we got older, it got harder and harder to be patient with him – to show that I loved him. It was easy to fight and say hurtful things as we walked to school, and later, drove to school. As I look back, I know I got mad at him for the little things he did. He teased, played loud music, criticized my driving. None of those things were worth the things I did. I did much worse.

I yelled, I screamed, I kicked, I ignored. I was the worst sister he could ask for. I damaged our relationship, no matter how many times he tried to repair it. Only now do I see the effort he made, and his despair when I refused to give in. Only now do I have endless guilt and shame for how I acted. A simple apology to him cannot dissipate such a dark cloud in my past.

Much to my relief, our relationship is slowly repairing. It’s gotten better since I’ve moved to college and married, giving us time and space. As he prepares to take big steps in his own life of serving a two-year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and going to college, we find we have things in common. We are able to talk about things – what’s it like in college, relationship advice, music, and religion. We are almost friends again.

In an effort to gain at least partial forgiveness for what I have done, I promise to never treat another human like that again. I promise to make it up to him every time I see him. I promise to learn from the biggest mistake of my life, and I feel overwhelmingly grateful for second chances and eternal love. As our relationship continues to build, I feel peace and hope that we have time. Time for me to heal past wounds and to be there for him for the rest of his life. I love you, brother. Forgive my biggest mistake.