3 Things that Haunt

Happy almost Halloween. In honor of my least favorite holiday, here is a list of things that haunt, courtesy of my life.

A Reflection of Past Life
Harriet*, once healthy, now shuffles around a memory care dining room, scooping bread crumbs from glass tables into her long, wrinkled hand. In seconds, she forgets the crumbs in her hands and lets them drop to the floor. This is a reflection of her past life – a life she will no longer remember, when she cleaned her own kitchen, surrounded by family. She continues to shuffle, scoop, and mutter to herself, haunting the dining room.

Ugly German
Carter*, a young man in a college German class, sits far away from the others. His method of interacting is not like the others – in English or German – and for that, receives snickers and satirical questions. He never gives up trying to be liked, but the others never give up their play. The man is haunted by people no better than he, for his ugly, evil-sounding German.

Blindness in October
Julie*, who’s had far too many troubles in her long life, is now mostly blind from failed surgeries. Her eyes never look at the same spot, and she keeps the house closed and black. The possibility of permanence haunts her as she looks past me, holding on to the wall for a foundation in her dark world.

*names have been changed

M-I-A

I want to apologize for being missing in action so much the past couple months! Life hit a big turn from my summer chilling to the start of my sophomore year at Brigham Young University and working in the BYU English Department. However, these are no excuses because writers write no matter what is going on in their lives – it is simply how we live. 

That being said, my writing may have dulled the past couple months, but my brain has not. I’ve been thinking a lot about the direction of this blog. I threw a few ideas around with my husband – about a book blog, a photography blog, a writing blog, and even a flower blog. But I couldn’t pick just one. I don’t think I’m ready to confine my writing into one subject. And so, my blog will stay Savannah’s Secretaire for now.

Writing is like that, I think. We have different moods and styles as our lives take different turns. Being a writer means staying flexible, and that’s not always easy when you are in college, have kids, or working overtime. However, if writing is important to you, you make time for it. That’s just the way life works. It’s important to have flexibility in changing your writing style, making time for it, and sometimes, you just have to force yourself to like it.

I’m trying to come back, folks. One blog post at a time, and open to suggestions.

5 Tips to Ace an Interview

Photo Courtesy of Hudson New Zealand

Interviews can be pretty intimidating, especially when the future of your eternal happiness is balanced on the outcome. I recently had an interview for a new job at Brigham Young University, and had my dad give me some tips and pointers. I am so grateful he did! I walked out of that interview feeling calm and confident, and even got the job. Here are some tips and pointers for how to feel great about your interview!

1. Take Your Time.
If the interviewer asks you a question that might need a little more consideration and thought, it’s okay to take a few seconds to think about it. However, it may not be the best idea to insert an “um” where the silence would be. Take your time in thinking of your answer, and don’t be afraid of the silence. Talk slowly and clearly. This can show your interviewer that you think ahead and feel that their question is important.

2. Think of Possible Questions Beforehand.
At my dad’s encouragement, I looked up possible interview questions before heading into the interview. I typed out quick answers, so I would always be prepared. To my astonishment, there wasn’t one question in the interview I hadn’t already studied. I was able to answer calmly and confidently because I already knew the answers. Preparation pays off!

3. Try Not to Fidget.
In high school, I did an internship at The Abbington, an assisted living. For the internship, we had to do a practice interview with our supervisor and earn points based on our performance. I wrote practiced questions, wore a skirt to the interview, and was perfectly on time, all in the hope of getting a perfect score. However, when I got the results back, I was surprised to see points docked for fidgeting. “Played with her hands too much,” was written under the comments section. I realized that fidgeting can be distracting and may show nervousness and unease. To battle fidgeting, trying placing your palms on your lap facedown, or entwining them together loosely. Take deep breaths and try to relax your muscles.

4. Dress Nicely, Act Nicely.
This is an obvious one. I once heard that it is smart to dress “one standard above” the job you are interviewing for, or at most, formal business attire. It is important to present yourself well to make a great first impression. It is also important to act nicely. Arrive ten minutes before your interview, act like it is a privilege (not a right) to be there, smile, and look at all members of the interviewing board.

5. Sell Yourself.
Take every opportunity to sell yourself. I like to tie each question back to an unchanging quality about myself so that the interviewer can see how I would be right for the job. For example, in my interview they asked me what my ideal boss would be like. I focused on a boss that helps me be independent and figure things out on my own to increase my learning, because I am independent and love to problem solve. Turn every question into an opportunity to sell yourself. This can help with your confidence in the interview and shows the interviewer how you can be the perfect person for the job in any situation.

Now go ace that interview!

Instagram Favorites

Courtesy of  Work Shop

I admit it. I am addicted to Instagram. I love the classy photos, the inspirational captions, the clever products, and learning about people’s lives. I’ve already mentioned some of my favorite accounts in earlier posts, but here is a comprehensive list if you feel like your feed could be freshened up a bit. Enjoy!

For Fitness: @activelyrees
I love Nikki Rees. While she doesn’t post specific workouts or meal plans, she provides daily inspiration about working out and eating healthy every day. She appreciates fitness and health without being obsessive over it. Her bio line reads, “FITNESS, CAKE and everything in between.” I recommend giving her a follow if you want to be inspired every day and become attached to her lifestyle and cute two-year-old daughter Maddie. She also has a blog, which you can find here.

For Photography: @piperalkonis
I first met Piper my freshman year of college. She was one of my best friend’s roommates. She was always taking pictures. Piper’s photos are centered around her everyday life, and somehow she manages to make them raw, unique, and breathtaking every day. I could look through her photos for hours. Give her a follow if you want to add some eye-catching, fantastic photos to your feed.

For (Baby) Clothes: @bowsforbrainsshop
There are a lot of baby bows businesses out there. This one, however, catches my eye. 20% of every purchase is donated to cancer research, there is free shipping and sales constantly, and the bows are absolutely gorgeous! I can’t wait to have a baby girl just to try out these bows. Follow this page if you want to see some munchy babies and beautiful bows! You can find the story of donating money to cancer research here.

For Inspiring Stories: @humansofny
If you haven’t given them a follow yet, you totally should! This account is run by a photographer who lives in New York and travels to different parts of the world. For his posts, he takes simple photos of people and shares a quote from them about their life. I’ve been following them for a couple years now, and it has opened my eyes to so many different situations and cultures in not just New York, but in the world!

For Food: @abountifulkitchen
Si Foster creates tons of beautiful and yummy recipes and shares them with wannabe chefs and bakers! She has made many copycat recipes such as Swig Sugar Cookies and Levain Bakery Chocolate Chip Cookies, and comes up with her own recipes ranging from Basil Couscous Salad to Peanut Butter Banana Power Muffins to Cream Cheese Chicken Casserole. I recommend the Levain Bakery Dark Chocolate PB Chip Cookies. Sooo good. Follow her if you want some meal and dessert ideas and recipes!

For Flowers: @workshop.pdx
I. Love. Their. Flowers. Work Shop makes amazing arrangements for any occasion and takes the classiest pictures of their flowers. They have workshops all the time, which makes me want to move to Portland rather desperately. Give them a follow if you want to (literally) freshen up your feed with some beautiful flowers and plants.

Details of a Wedding

Courtesy of Jenisse Photography

Recently, I was thinking about my wedding day, and a lot of details came to mind. I loved remembering those little details, and realized I might not always remember them. I can’t afford to forget! Sometimes the finest details make a day intimate and special. Here are some of the finest details from my wedding day.

Problems with the Veil. After our small ceremony, I gave hugs to all the family and friends present. After each hug, my veil would slide down the back of my head. I had to fix it over and over. Eventually, I just ripped it off and put it on the chair behind me, now veil free.

12 Inches of Snow. The night before my wedding, I slept at my parent’s house, just across the street from where my soon-to-be-husband Nathan was sleeping at his parent’s house. I remember being woken up by the clattering of makeup in the bathroom and my mom commenting about snow. I looked out the window – it had snowed twelve inches in one night. My dad and brothers were out shoveling, and I could see Nathan and his dad shoveling their driveway. Not everyone gets to see their soon-to-be-husband shoveling snow in the early hours of their wedding day.

My Best Friend’s Spit. During wedding pictures after the ceremony, I paused for a moment to talk with a group of my best friends. We paused for a group shot where they all pretended to kiss me, and I felt a glob of spit hit my cheek. One of my best friends had accidentally spit on me when pretending to kiss me! We all burst into laughter as I wiped it off.

White Fleece Leggings. Because it was a very cold January day, I wore white fleece leggings under my dress when we took pictures outside. I would say they worked pretty well! I never got uncomfortable, and they were so soft and flexible!

Moments with Mom. I loved the quiet moments with my mom as she helped me into and out of my wedding dress several times for the ceremony and reception. It was special to be with her and to share the special day. She did most of the wedding planning, and worked so hard behind the scenes to make everything perfect. I cherish those little, quiet moments with her.

Breathtaking Pink Garden Roses. These beauties were everywhere – in my bouquet, in Nathan’s buotineer, and on the white ruched cake and the centerpieces for the tables. It was a perfect, fresh, and romantic flower for winter.

Exit as Man and Wife. After our ceremony in the Mt.Timpanogos Temple, our family and friends waited outside the golden doors for our exit. With my heavy bouquet in one hand and Nathan’s in the other, we threw open the doors and stepped out into the crisp, snowy air. We were officially man and wife!

I would love to hear about details you remember from your wedding! Leave a comment below.

P.S. For more pictures of our special day, click here!

A Flowered Card

I sat on a ribbed floral couch, sandals deep in burnt orange carpet. It was dark in the room, not because the curtains were closed, but because the walls were boarded in the pre-2000s style. Next to me sat *Carol, my companion, in a red blouse and black cardigan, chatting. On the swivel recliner across the room sat *Julie, an older lady with curly white hair trimmed to her scalp and a red striped shirt. She rarely smiled, rarely talked. When she did talk, her voice was soft but forceful. Her eyebrows were constantly pulled together as if in impatience.

As Carol talked to Julie about vacations, volunteering, and the return of Carol’s son from Singapore, I thought of the first memories I had of Julie. Most were at church, one over the phone, and the visits Carol and I made.

At church, as she conducted the last hour, she was to-the-point, never gracing us with her smile, never making a mistake. She looked into the eyes of many women, making notes with her fine tipped pen, and speaking softly into the microphone. I was intimidated by her grace and style.

Over the phone when I would tell her we could come visit her in the evenings once a month, she told me plainly that evenings were difficult, but that she would allow it. To my apology, she would retort, “Well, I don’t like it, but it works.” I would hang up, blushing in embarrassment. Carol would comfort saying, “You know how Julie is.”

The visits Carol and I made were much the same. Julie would listen with rapt attention, rocking on her chair, rarely smiling, and offered her hasty opinion whenever there was silence. Thirty minutes on Julie’s flowered couch always felt like a very long time.

One day, I was surprised to find a flowered card from Julie in my mail box. When opened, I read her cursive script. She told me of her appreciation of my service in church, and that she had noticed my efforts. She said she looked forward to visits from me and wished me the best.

I was astounded. In my mind, Julie was not a person who wrote kind words on a flowered card. She was not a person who would notice the small doings of others, and compliment them for it. I was pleasantly astounded.

That card made me discover something that many people before me have already realized. People are not to be judged harshly based on a few encounters or memories. There is so much more to people than we know, and I am embarrassed that I had to learn this lesson yet again, at the fault of my own.

I was completely touched by Julie’s card, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. There the opportunity to be good is in everyone, and people choose that opportunity more often than we expect. I hope I can be one of those people, and follow the touching example of Julie.

*names have been changed

The Good List (No. 02)

Weekend Getaways. A couple weeks ago, my husband and I stole away to St. George with my family for a much needed getaway. We hiked The Narrows and Kanarraville Falls. Absolutely beautiful. Among our other activities: swimming, eating Twinkies, eating at Subway 2 (!) times in a row, and visiting the St. George Temple.

Warm Summer Nights. Often, I still grab a jacket while going out the door, out of habit for Utah’s predictably unpredictable weather. I’m pleasantly surprised to discover I don’t need it most nights.

White Oleander. This book, written by Janet Fitch, completely touched my soul. It follows the heart-aching story of Astrid as she experiences foster care after her poetic mother gets put in jail. Astrid learns of the harshness of the world, but also experiences love, trust, and artistic beauty. Be warned: this book is not for the faint reader.

Dunkirk. A raw, beautiful movie. I loved the lack of dialogue, the depth of character, and the knowledge of an important World War II event.

Nikki Rees. I recently discovered this Instagram fitness star, and have been enjoying following her day-to-day inspiration for working out and eating healthy. I first discovered her story here, and have been following her ever since.

What's been on your Good List?

6 Things Learned from Freshman Year

Something I'm really looking forward to in the next year is starting my Sophomore year in college studying English. I am ecstatic to be almost done with my generals and I can't wait to finally be writing English essays, reading the classics, and becoming a part of the reading and writing culture. That being said, I've thought a lot about my first year of college, starting in June of 2016. Here are 6 things I've learned from my Freshman year.

1. Life doesn't always go how you plan it. Visit my posts 10 Reasons to Get Married Early and Why Plan to read more.

2. Taking notes with a laptop and wifi connection equals loss of attention in class and ultimately low test scores, in my opinion. I found I was most successful when I took notes the old fashioned way - notebook and pen. Rewording, drawing pictures, and not being distracted by Facebook, Pinterest, or Amazon really helped a lot.

3. Studying for tests takes a lot more time than you think. I started studying for “easy” classes a week before. The “hard” classes like Organic Chemistry and Anatomy I started at least two weeks before. When I didn't follow this formula, I got low test scores and lots of regret.

4. Exercise can improve mental capacity and helped me stay awake in my classes. I ran most mornings, and lifted with my friends at the school gym once a week.

5. Making friends in all your classes is an easy way to build a support group and learn about people from all over the country (or world!).

6. High quality breaks can save your studying. Laura, my freshman mentor, told me high quality breaks can help you feel productive even though you are taking a break from studying. She suggested reading, taking a walk, or getting a drink with friends instead of sitting on social media. I tried it, and found much more fulfillment in every minute of every day.

What did you learn from your freshman year? Leave it in the comments below!

My Biggest Mistake

As I look back on my life, I’ve made some pretty good choices. I worked hard in school, was involved in cross country and other after-school activities, made close friends, went on fun family vacations, got accepted into my dream school, and married a wonderful and handsome guy. I’ve lived and learned, and I’ve been blessed. However, there is one dark cloud in my past, one that I count as my biggest mistake.

My biggest mistake is my failure at a positive relationship with my brother.

It wasn’t always bad – we were best friends when we were growing up. When he would get into trouble, I would cry to my parents and beg them to have mercy on him. We shared an apple under a blanket when our parents told us we couldn’t eat anything else but our dinner. We played knight and mother-to-the-knight in our little backyard, and went on bike rides together. It was bliss.

Something changed. Me.

I think I transformed into a witch. As we got older, it got harder and harder to be patient with him – to show that I loved him. It was easy to fight and say hurtful things as we walked to school, and later, drove to school. As I look back, I know I got mad at him for the little things he did. He teased, played loud music, criticized my driving. None of those things were worth the things I did. I did much worse.

I yelled, I screamed, I kicked, I ignored. I was the worst sister he could ask for. I damaged our relationship, no matter how many times he tried to repair it. Only now do I see the effort he made, and his despair when I refused to give in. Only now do I have endless guilt and shame for how I acted. A simple apology to him cannot dissipate such a dark cloud in my past.

Much to my relief, our relationship is slowly repairing. It’s gotten better since I’ve moved to college and married, giving us time and space. As he prepares to take big steps in his own life of serving a two-year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and going to college, we find we have things in common. We are able to talk about things – what’s it like in college, relationship advice, music, and religion. We are almost friends again.

In an effort to gain at least partial forgiveness for what I have done, I promise to never treat another human like that again. I promise to make it up to him every time I see him. I promise to learn from the biggest mistake of my life, and I feel overwhelmingly grateful for second chances and eternal love. As our relationship continues to build, I feel peace and hope that we have time. Time for me to heal past wounds and to be there for him for the rest of his life. I love you, brother. Forgive my biggest mistake.

The Experience, Not the Workout

Sometimes running is about the experience, not the workout. It took me a long time to realize this. In my early running years, I felt guilty if my run did not have me sweating and hurting. The only point of running was to lose the calories I just ate or fulfill my 30-minutes of exercising for the day. Don’t get me wrong – it is extremely important to exercise daily and get those health benefits. However, I was too focused on the workout and missed out on some beautiful running experiences.

Running has the power to clear and relax the mind. It has the power to help us fully appreciate the beautiful world around us. It has the power to allow us to be in tune with our body - to listen to it and feel its strength. The best part is, you don't have to be running at a breathtaking pace to accomplish this.

This morning, I fought the battle of getting out of bed. My alarm went off, and I stubbornly dozed. My husband gave me a persistent push and I fell out of bed. I stumbled out the door and blinked at the morning light. It took me a while to start running. When I did, it was achingly slow. The phrase “lazy bones” flashed in my mind as I watched my legs struggle against the pavement. 

Yet, as I ran, there was something special. I started to have that running experience. My mind was relaxed. I knew how my body felt and noticed it was gaining strength and energy with every step. I started to notice the beautiful world of my neighborhood. There were pearl white roses, a soft light coming from behind the mountains, singing birds, and refreshingly cool air. It was a beautiful morning, and my lazy bones weren't going to stop me from appreciating it.

Even though my run was short and quite slow, it was about the experience, not the workout. After a busy and exhausting week, I needed to find myself again. Today, I found myself through appreciating the sweetness of a calm, cool morning.

This morning’s experience reminds me of two life-changing quotes from my hands down, all-time favorite running book, To Be a Runner by Martin Dugard. In it, there are several lines that perfectly explain the importance of this running experience.

“To run is to think. To think is to solve problems, dream, reflect, hope, mourn, pray, and grow. We focus so much on the way running tones our thighs and fortifies our hearts, but running is also a spiritual and emotional journey” (112).

“[Running is] not just exercise. It’s not just achievement. It’s a daily discipline that has nothing to do with speed, weight, social status,sexual orientation, political affiliation, where you live, what car you drive,or whether anyone anywhere loves you. It’s about the slow and painful process of being the best you can be. That’s why the first step out the door is always so hard. That’s when we choose between settling for average and being a superhero version of ourselves” (230).

It’s easy to settle for average. Every day, I try to find the superhero version of myself. And I realize, it comes from appreciating the experience – not just a running experience, but every experience of every day. I continue to find myself, and hope for a better me.

Eyebrow Threading: Certainly an Experience

I finally decided to just do it. After years of having inconspicuous, blonde eyebrows that grow fast and wide, I decided to do something about it. Eyebrow threading seemed to be a good idea. It looked relatively painless – compared to pulling dried wax off your skin. I wanted to give my eyebrows something to be proud about.

My husband and I did some research online and found Brow Spa 24 in the mall. It had three total reviews on Google, all of them good. We decided to go.

We got to the mall, looked at the map and found Brow Spa 24, and started heading towards it. As we walked, fear of the unknown caused me to drag my feet.

“Can we go to the bathroom before we go?” I asked my husband. I was stalling.

After the bathroom break, we walked into Brow Spa 24. It was a very small and skinny salon; all open for the curious eyes of shoppers walking past. There were three salon chairs in front of big mirrors, and an open counter. A short, stern looking Asian woman was standing behind it.

“Eyebrows?” she asked.

I nodded.

She pointed me to the chair closest to the counter and told me to lean back and close my eyes. Without any other word, I felt a sharp, painful, pulling sensation on my eyebrows. I could hear my hairs being mercilessly pulled out 10 at a time. In all my eyebrow plucking days, tweezers did not compare to this. I had to bite my lip and clench my fists to contain words like “Ow!” and “Jeez!” I like to think that I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but apparently that tolerance ended with my eyebrows. To my horror, I felt wet tears gathering in my closed eyes and draining down the side of my face.

Soon, the plucking and sounds of rubbing thread stopped.

“Do you need tissue?” the Asian woman asked.

“No, no. I’m fine,” I said, embarrassed. I wiped away drops of mascara under my eye.

“Hold your eye.”

“How? Like this?” I pulled at my eye, trying not to wince.

“Is this your first time?”

“Yes.”

She smirked, showed me how to hold my eye and tighten the area of my eyebrow, and went at it again. I sat in the chair, head pressed back on the headrest as hard as I could, thinking of happy things like lighthouses and cookies. Before long, she was moving to the other eyebrow and the same, excruciating process happened again. My eyes hurt from all the tears they retained, and my eye brows stung. I prayed for it to be over.

“All done! You can look.”

I looked in the mirror. All I saw was my bright red skin, around my eyebrows, swollen and hairless.

“Looks great.”

My husband quickly paid, and she told us to keep the receipts to get 50% off our fifth visit. I wasn’t sure if I would come back for a second.

My husband and I walked through the mall and to the parking lot.

“She held the thread in her mouth! And I could hear all the plucking. She was pulling out, like 10 hairs at a time!” he said.

“That was horrifying. This is incentive to keep up on my plucking so I never have to go back.”

Overall, I did like the end product. My eyebrows were expertly shaped, all in an appointment that lasted 10 minutes. My husband treated me to a Target and Walgreens run, where I bought six different products for eyebrows, and ended up finding a bronze shade that I liked (only $1.09!!!). Now my eyebrows can be proud, no longer invisible to the world. I do like that.

I stand by what I said, though. I don’t think I will ever go back to Brow Spa 24, or any eyebrow threading salon for that matter. Next time I might try waxing. Sounds less barbaric than using thread to cause pain. Maybe I am overdramatizing. In any case, it was an experience. Say hello to my ginger brows.

Just After the Appointment

Wet n Wild Coloricon Bronze Shade

Guilty Pleasures

Don’t deny. We all have them. I am lucky enough to have several. Here are a few of my guilty pleasures I have fully embraced with slight embarrassment.

The Twilight Series
Guilt: This series is only one of the most rebuked book series and is a package deal with extreme judging from friends, coworkers, and family members.
Pleasure: I admit it is thrilling, captivating, easy to read, and has some talented plotting.

Chocolate Chip Cookies
Guilt: So much butter. So much sugar. So many chocolate chips. Eating too many has its consequences.
Pleasure: So much butter. So much sugar. So many chocolate chips. Eating too many has its rewards.

Disney MusicGuilt: My music reflects not a young adult, but a singing child in a sparkly princess dress.
Pleasure: There is happiness in remembering my Disney-centered childhood.

Insta-Stalking
Guilt: Imagine the consequences of accidentally liking a picture from two years ago on another person’s profile. Shudder.
Pleasure: Inspiration ideas, funny pictures from years ago, information gained from the pleasure of your home.

Frequent Book-Buying Sprees
Guilt: I haven’t finished reading the books from the last book-buying spree.
Pleasure: The wonderful sight of seeing my bookshelves bursting.

What are your guilty pleasures?

Why Plan?

In high school, I had big plans. I was going to become a nurse. I was going to get my degree and live in a fantastic studio apartment, own a white kitten, and marry at the age of 26 – all while writing a book on the side. Sounds fantastic, doesn’t it? When I explained these plans to my mom, she always encouraged me to pursue them. However, my wise mother always gave a warning: “Remember, life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned it.”

Mothers are usually always right.

To start paving the way for my nursing degree, I became a Certified Nursing Assistant. I started my high school and college career helping the elderly walk, sit, stand, eat, bathe, wipe, dress, and play. I loved it. For a time.

Then, during a poetry reading class I took, I overheard the conversation of two English majors. They were talking about the classes they were taking – Shakespeare, Creative Writing, British Literature. My heart began to ache for those classes, those experiences. I yearned for my old dream of reading and writing books for the rest of my life. In that afternoon in the dark, small auditorium, English beckoned to me again. The idea of withdrawing my nursing application began to fester.

Days went by, and after talking with my husband, a major life switch was needed. I was going to become an English major.

There was some difficulty and heartache in leaving the nursing route. I thought of my Organic Chemistry and Anatomy classes – how hard I worked for a chance to get into the program. I thought of my sweet residents at the assisted livings I worked at. I thought of the money, the pride, and the useful medical knowledge, all lost to an English degree. But there was a turning point: I loved all things English, so nothing could make me happier.

That is what life is all about. Being happy, learning, and experiencing life. Although I will miss holding a resident’s hand, or studying off of juicy cadavers, I look forward to the books I will read, the papers I will write, and thing things I will discover. All of my past experiences, whether related to nursing or not, have aided in my journey through this glorious life.

Looking back, I feel tempted to ask my high-school-self, “Why plan? Mom told you life never goes how you plan anyways. Be free and let life happen.” However, I hope I have gained a little wisdom through this journey of change. Plan because it gives you something to work towards. Plan because you never know. Plan because you do know. Plan to foster dreams. Plan because nothing is ever wasted – “all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good” (D&C 122:7).

Wish me luck on this new and exciting journey of English.

The Good List (No. 01)

Recently, I became acquainted with The Good List. Used mostly for Instagram and other social media sites, The Good List is a way of sharing what you are grateful for, as well as thing things that make you happy. The first time I tried to create such a list, I stared a blank note screen for a long time. Embarrassed with myself, I learned that I need to become more grateful. However, I did eventually come up with a Good List. Here it is.

Graduated to Normalcy. I finally became a normal person and graduated from a bulky slide phone to an iPhone SE. I’m only several years behind, but it’s never too late to join, right? I got this Spigen phone case, and I can’t wait to try it my new phone to its full extent.

Two Finals Left. I have filled out more bubble sheets than I care to think about. Knowing I only have two more tests brings summer fever to my soul.

Brick Oven Birthdays. Pasta, salad, and pizza. Family chatting. Wide booths with homemade root beer and low light. Singing “Happy Birthday” to my brother with the servers. Brick Oven is the perfect place for any birthday.

We Were Liars. I wept at the end of this book. If you like beautifully written, mysterious, soul-searching books with major plot twists and emotion, this is the book for you.

Design for Mankind. I adore this blog. Most of my inspiration comes from Erin, the writer. Her writing is smooth, eloquent, and she includes tips and advice for everyday life. Check her out.

Warm Spring Rain. Who else do we have to thank for turning the grass and trees green and growing wild tulips in the yard?

This is my Good List. What’s yours?

Dead Cadavers and Star Deaths

As finals draw near, and inevitably bring with it long days of studying and short nights of sleeping, I need more simplicity in my life. Who am I to talk about simplicity though? Me, who never has a dull day where I sit around and read books. Sounds too good to be true.

For the next two weeks, I will be studying until cerebral brain matter pours out my auditory canals (thanks Anatomy lab) while dreaming about sitting outside and reading books. I will be dreaming about simplicity.

My daily study schedule for finals looks something like this:

Anatomy Lab: 4-6 hours. Poke at dead cadavers until the stench of formaldehyde permanently stains my clothes and hair.

Anatomy Lecture: 3 hours. Look at pictures of dissected kidneys and memorize functions of various physiological systems.

Astronomy: 1-2 hours. Memorize patterns of star deaths, unique characteristics of our planets, and apply Einstein’s laws to black holes. Don’t forget about dark matter.

Psychology: 1 hour. Don’t worry. The professor will list every single question on the test for your study guide. Pretend to memorize it.

Studies in Literature: 2 hours. Finish that eight-page paper about the influence of loss shown in books Salt to the Sea and Once was Lost (I personally recommend Salt to the Sea).

Foundations of the Restoration: 2 hours. Fill out study guide and review stories about Joseph Smith and the doctrines of the Restoration.

And through it all, cerebral brain matter will be pouring out of my auditory canals. Yay for finals.

There is something that is getting me through, though. My secret? Reading words.

Even with all the things piling up, I find joy in reading the words of others – fiction or not. Right now, it’s Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. I find five minutes here, half an hour there, and allow myself to get lost.

When I read, I forget about the dead cadavers and star deaths. Einstein’s laws didn’t matter at that moment – only the feeling of dry pages between my fingers and the rhythm of words in my mind. It turns into lovely opportunity to explore, feel, and discover. I am happy.

I have found that there is hope and simplicity in doing the things we love. That is the secret.

That being said, please excuse me while I go back to spend more time with my friends, the dead cadavers. To find me, follow the stench of formaldehyde, the trail of cerebral brain matter pouring out my ears, or the sounds of pages turning. It shouldn’t be hard.

Loss is a Monster

Loss is a monster. I was attacked by it just last week. A single earring Nathan bought me for my birthday, part of the pair that I wore on my wedding day, is gone, gone gone.

Loss is a monster.

Unfortunately, life has much loss. There are days you lose the simple things: car keys, a tooth, an earring, an Extra pack of gum.

And then there are other days. Days that are hopefully more rare. You lose a lot more. People. Prized possessions. Money. Love. Hope.

We still survive somehow.

Even though Loss is a monster.

Months ago, after enduring a painfully dry high school graduation, I packed the family minivan with a shoe rack, some large boxes, and a couple of huge canvas bags of clothes. I left the safety and security of my family’s home for a new life ten miles north.

As my family and I hauled my goods to a new third floor apartment, I stared around my empty room. I wondered if it would feel like home.

The next day was orientation. Sparkly new college freshman, neatly organized into groups, followed seasoned college students around like puppies – bounding around the grounds, yapping questions, and slobbering over Snicker Doodle Ice Cream.

I felt alone.

I kept silent, following my leaders, barely interested and somewhat uncomfortable with so many bounding, yapping, slobbering puppies. They were too happy. Too excited. Too at home.

I was lost.

However painful that orientation was, a few friends were made – a few places discovered – a new life initiated. Security once lost was gradually gained over many weeks of roommate baking parties, running and exploring the streets of Provo, and failing Chemistry tests.

It all worked out, and was precisely for my benefit.

When life fills us with loss and depleted hope, it’s hard to remember outcomes or the benefits. I stress, I eat too many cookies, I don’t eat at all, I stare out the window at a listless world, I get lost in myself.

But maybe,
the monster can be conquered.

To me, loss doesn’t mean shutting others out, thinking your life has no meaning, or letting it weigh you down. It doesn’t mean forgetting what’s important. It means taking some time for yourself to heal, figuring out what makes you happy, creating opportunities to help others, and gaining strength from this loss to be prepared for the future.

It’s understanding that it’s okay to be sad. But it’s okay to be happy too.

I’ve been lucky enough to avoid catastrophic losses in my life. However, we all feel the effects of loss. I felt the effect of loss when it took my beautiful silver earring. It fell out of my ear and right into the toilet as I flushed. That earring was the first birthday gift from my husband Nathan, part of a pair that I wore on my wedding day – something I won’t ever get back.

Even though I mourned the loss of a prized possession, I am okay now. I listened to the wise words of Nathan as he hugged me: “At least you have the other earring!”

Loss is a monster. But it can be conquered in the triumph of happiness and gratitude.

10 Reasons to Get Married Early

The ice rink was a bit nippy as Nathan and I skated around it. It held some little girls in colorful pants, a few cautious mothers, and the occasional old man, silently skating by himself. Nathan and I clutched hands as we wobbled around the ice, still awkward from knowing each other for so short a time. It had been less than a month since our first date. Short indeed.

“To be reasonable, we could wait until May,” Nathan said. He squeezed my hand.

“That would be reasonable. We would know each other for longer,” I said. I felt giddy, excited, and a bit like looking over the edge of a cliff with a strange sensation or urge to jump off. May was a long time to wait for a wedding.

If we had waited until May, life would be quite different. I would still be waking up in my Heritage Apartment with the thermostat at 79 degrees and the sink packed high with baking pans and silverware. I would be cherishing the evenings with Nathan after the end of a long school day – the only time I could see him. We’d still be struggling to coming up with ideas of things to do in Provo to avoid hanging out at at my apartment or anywhere near school. Sounds horrible, actually. We couldn’t have made it.

Nathan and I were married on the cold winter’s day of January 3rd. We finally decided that there was no point in waiting if we know marriage was right. And we wouldn’t change a thing.

The reactions of friends and acquaintances were notable. Several times, they would ask me, “You guys are getting married six months after you met? Do you know each other well enough?”

I asked myself the same questions. Before meeting Nathan, I was utterly against getting married less than a year after graduating high school. To me, the questions that people asked were very valid. However, as I thought more about marriage, I found reasons why the answers to these questions didn’t matter. Getting married so early was the best thing I ever did. Here are the reasons why:

1. I get to spend more years with Nathan.
I am so thankful I met him so early. We get to spend so many more years together than if we met later in college or graduate school. Many more years of adventures and love!

2. All that money adds up!
Nathan and I were pleasantly surprised that as young as we were, we could afford married life – the apartment expenses, utilities, school, and a car. This is mainly due to our parental influence. My parents taught me to save and work hard for scholarships. Nathan’s did too. When we got married, our bank accounts and scholarship money pooled together and we live comfortably within our means.

3. Instant best friend.
I always wanted a BFF. Someone who would stay forever, no matter where life took you, or how you changed. That’s Nathan for me. No matter what, he is my best friend – my adventure buddy, my listening buddy, my studying buddy, my dance buddy, my movie-watching buddy, etc.

4. Dating doesn’t take nearly as much time as it did before marriage.
When Nathan and I met, he was working two jobs, and I was going to school. We spent hours and hours together going on dates – fishing, going to dinner, park hopping, and hiking. It was hard to balance school, work, and all that time dating. Now that we’re married, we still have school and work to worry about. However, we now save dates for weekly occasions and spend more time doing normal, everyday things together like making dinner, watching “House,” shopping at Walmart, and studying together.

5. Being the first of your friends to get married has its benefits.
A good sale on bowls at Costco basically guarantees several sets for your wedding. The good news: they don’t expire and can be re-gifted in the many years of friends’ weddings we have ahead of us.

6. Fun times!
Being married is fun! Nathan and I love living together. We love staying up late in bed, talking to each other about our days. We love all of our adventures.

7. Spend time with each other before “settling down” to have kids.
Nathan and I were married when we were 20 and 19 years old. Between the both of us, life is extremely busy with college and work. We just aren’t in the stage of life for children yet. For the next couple years, we can enjoy being with each other and focus on the growth of our relationship while looking forward to that time that we do decide to have children.

8. We can grow and learn together.
One of the biggest accusations we got from people was that we were too young to get married because we didn’t have enough experience in life and couldn’t make decisions as well as older couples. When discussing this, Nathan and I felt happy we could learn and grow together as we experience life. We immediately formed habits that complimented each other and didn’t have to change our previous lifestyles very much. We learn and grow together, already synced.

9. Married people are healthier.
Research conducted by Carnegie Mellon University stated that those who are married have lower levels of cortisol, a stress hormone. Lower levels of stress sounds good to me.

10. We are very, very happy.

The most important reason of all!

Courtesy of Jenisse Forbes

My Secretaire

Novels. Short Stories. Articles. Essays. Writing.

What a journey it is to write.  A lovely journey.  For me, it began with a story about a dog.  In the years long ago, I see myself as a redheaded child, writing furiously at a small, chipped, white table in my room, toes rubbing anxiously over the green cement floor.  I see excitement in my eyes as I finish my first short story: “The Lost Dog.”  Written and illustrated by Savannah.  I have come a long way from writing at that little chipped table.  This blog is a continuation of my writing journey.    Welcome to Savannah’s Secretaire.

Those who have created a blog know the struggle of finding a suitable name.  It is the most important part of a blog.  Within that little title is how you define and present yourself.  I have no problem in admitting that it took me close to two hours of severe brainstorming to come up with a title.  It started with finding a single word: secretaire.

                                         

secretaire (sɛkrɪˈtɛ) noun a small writing desk; an escritoire.  [from French secrétaire]

It was a perfect word from the start.  It even had a nice alliteration with my name.  I love the imagery of a small writing desk.  I imagine myself sitting at a dark, polished desk in a spacious room filled with books and large windows.  There would be a bowl of Oreo cookies and a leather bound notebook with my favorite pen.  The windows would be cracked just a bit to let in a cool breeze and I would hear the sounds of trees rubbing their branches together.  And I would be writing.  What a wonderfully beautiful image secretaire creates.

This blog is my writing desk.  It is a place of thoughts, feelings, experiences, and stories.  I hope you enjoy this writing journey with me!